A FATHER’S ROLE IN A BOY’S PREPUBESCENT DEVELOPMENT

Written by Abrie JF Kilian

I was recently asked by a friend to write an article on his role as a father in his prepubescent son’s development. Like most separation disputes, the children, especially boys, are placed with the mother without any regard for the psychological impact on the boy’s development. Research has shown that the role of a father in a boy’s prepubescent development is foundational to shaping his identity, emotional well-being, and social competence. Research from psychology, sociology, and theology has consistently demonstrated that boys who grow up with engaged fathers exhibit greater confidence, resilience, and success in life. Fathers provide their sons with essential guidance, discipline, and validation, allowing them to navigate the transition from childhood to adolescence with a strong sense of self. A prelude to affirming and expanding a father’s legacy.

This article will aim to synthesise key insights from leading scholars and researchers, demonstrating the profound impact a father has on a boy’s development. It is written as a ‘no-fluff’ resource to assist fathers in shifting their focus towards their ‘heirs’ and protecting their legacy when separation is inevitable.

The Psychological Foundations of Fatherhood

In Fatherneed, Kyle Pruett argues that father care is biologically and emotionally necessary for a child's development (Pruett, 35). Unlike mothers, who often provide emotional security through nurture, fathers play a critical role in stimulating cognitive growth, encouraging risk-taking, and enforcing boundaries. Pruett’s research highlights that fathers uniquely contribute to a boy’s confidence by engaging in play, structured discipline, and problem-solving exercises (Pruett, 76). Without this paternal engagement, boys may struggle with identity formation and emotional regulation.

Paul Raeburn, in Do Fathers Matter?, extends this argument by emphasising that fathers influence a child’s brain development, social behaviours, and academic performance (Raeburn, 99). He provides empirical evidence showing that boys raised with engaged fathers tend to perform better in school, exhibit fewer behavioural issues, and develop superior verbal and problem-solving skills (Raeburn, 120).

Emotional and Identity Formation

Douglas Wilson’s Father Hunger provides a theological and sociological perspective, arguing that a father’s role is not only biological but deeply spiritual. He suggests that boys who grow up without a father often struggle with self-worth and identity formation, leading to behavioural issues and societal detachment (Wilson, 41). Wilson asserts that fathers affirm masculinity, discipline, and a sense of purpose, all of which are crucial in the prepubescent years (Wilson, 79). This concept aligns with John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart, where he describes the “father’s blessing”—a crucial moment where a father validates his son’s masculinity, giving him the confidence to navigate life’s challenges (Eldredge, 99).

Similarly, in Raising Boys, Steve Biddulph emphasises that between the ages of six and fourteen, boys naturally “lock onto” their fathers as role models (Biddulph, 79). When the relationship between a father and son is absent or weak, boys are more likely to struggle with insecurity, aggression, and detachment. Biddulph outlines how fathers provide structure, teach responsibility, and model emotional resilience, all of which contribute to a well-balanced and emotionally secure young man (Biddulph, 105).

Academic and Social Development

Leonard Sax, in Boys Adrift, identifies the “failure to launch” epidemic affecting young men today, linking it to the absence of strong father figures (Sax, 58). He explains that fathers instil discipline, work ethic, and responsibility—traits that are fundamental during the prepubescent stage when boys are forming habits and attitudes toward school, friendships, and self-improvement (Sax, 79). The lack of paternal engagement often leads to apathy, low motivation, and underachievement in both academic and social settings.

Warren Farrell and John Gray, in The Boy Crisis, further corroborate this by showing that dad-deprived boys are significantly more likely to experience depression, academic struggles, and delinquency (Farrell & Gray, 110). Their research reveals that fatherlessness is a major predictor of high school dropout rates, gang involvement, and substance abuse (Farrell & Gray, 141). They argue that fathers provide structure, accountability, and moral guidance, helping boys navigate the challenges of prepubescent life with confidence and purpose.

Masculinity and Rite of Passage

Robert Bly’s Iron John takes a more mythological and psychological approach, explaining that throughout history, fathers have played a crucial role in initiating their sons into manhood (Bly, 93). He discusses the archetypal “father wound”, where boys who do not receive their father’s validation grow up feeling incomplete or lacking a clear sense of masculinity (Bly, 124). He stresses that a father’s role is to guide his son through trials, challenges, and responsibilities, ensuring he develops the necessary traits of strength, discipline, and honor.

David Gilmore’s Manhood in the Making echoes this sentiment, examining how cultures across the world have structured rites of passage that emphasize the father’s role in teaching discipline, courage, and societal responsibility (Gilmore, 146). Without this male mentorship, boys often struggle with self-doubt, lack of motivation, and behavioral instability.

The Long-Term Impact of Father Involvement

The benefits of fatherly involvement are not just limited to childhood. As Pruett notes, a father’s presence in the prepubescent years has lifelong implications, influencing career success, relationship stability, and emotional resilience (Pruett, 165). Sax concurs, stating that boys who grow up with engaged fathers are more likely to become successful, well-adjusted men (Sax, 121).

Douglas Wilson further argues that strong fatherhood creates generational stability, reducing crime rates, improving economic success, and fostering emotionally healthy families (Wilson, 199). These conclusions reinforce the need for father-inclusive parenting strategies and policies that recognize the unique contributions of fathers in a boy’s life.

Conclusion

The evidence from multiple disciplines—psychology, sociology, and theology—demonstrates that a father’s role in a boy’s prepubescent development is indispensable. Fathers provide the foundation for identity, discipline, emotional security, and societal integration. Whether through academic encouragement, emotional validation, or rites of passage, a father’s influence is a determining factor in shaping a boy into a strong, confident, and well-adjusted man. The absence of this presence leaves boys vulnerable to emotional struggles, academic failure, and societal detachment. Therefore, fostering strong paternal engagement should be a priority for families, educators, and policymakers alike. Affirm and expand your legacy.

References

• Biddulph, Steve. Raising Boys. New York: Celestial Arts, 2014.

• Bly, Robert. Iron John: A Book About Men. New York: Da Capo Press, 1990.

• Eldredge, John. Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001.

• Farrell, Warren, and John Gray. The Boy Crisis. Dallas: BenBella Books, 2018.

• Gilmore, David D. Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1990.

• Pruett, Kyle D. Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. New York: Broadway Books, 2000.

• Raeburn, Paul. Do Fathers Matter? What Science Is Telling Us About the Parent We've Overlooked. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2014.

• Sax, Leonard. Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. New York: Basic Books, 2007.

• Wilson, Douglas. Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead Their Families. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012.