SUBMISSION ACCORDING TO BIBLICAL PATRIARCHY – LONG VERSION(A)

Written by Abrie JF Kilian, and moderated by Pete Rambo.

A shortened version, that can be found here.

In our modern era, the word "submission" often conjures images of oppression, inequality, or even abuse. Yet, within the framework of Biblical teaching, submission takes on a nuanced, sacred dimension—one grounded in discipline, love, reverence and divine order. As both a theologian who has spent years studying the interplay of Scripture and Biblical tradition and practising family law and witness to countless domestic disputes, I find that a return to the Biblical foundation offers profound clarity. Although the concept of "patriarchy" may raise eyebrows today, it is important to differentiate between secular distortions of power and the Biblical model of leadership, sacrificial love, and mutual respect that YHWH has ordained. This vision, rightly understood, places YHWH as the absolute patriarch above all, charges men to humbly submit to Him, encourages women to submit to their husbands as an expression of love and trust, and admonishes children to honour and obey their parents. When embraced with a Spirit-led heart, and a mind for YHWH’s law, Biblical patriarchy fosters flourishing families and communities aligned with the Creator’s design.

YHWH as the Absolute Patriarch

At the heart of Biblical patriarchy lies the foundational truth that YHWH Himself stands as the supreme authority over all creation. Often described in Scripture using paternal imagery, YHWH is Father (Isaiah 64:8; Malachi 2:10; Matthew 6:9), sovereign King (1 Timothy 1:17), and perfect Husband (Jeremiah 31:32; Isaiah 54:5). There is no ambiguity here: all authority originates from YHWH alone. Before we explore human relationships, we must grasp that our understanding of submission begins with the One who needs no counsel, who reigns justly and righteously, and who created humanity with a purpose and design. In Deuteronomy 10:17, we read that YHWH our Elhohim, a description emphasising His unrivalled position. As the ultimate and absolute patriarch, YHWH sets forth commandments, institutes covenants, and provides a moral law that governs the cosmos (Exodus 20:1-17; Psalm 19:7-11). His authority is never capricious or cruel; rather, it is laced with compassion, mercy, and fidelity to His people (Lamentations 3:22-23). Understanding YHWH as the absolute patriarch frees us from conceiving human authority as self-derived. Instead, we see all human authority as delegated stewardship under the supreme, loving leadership of YHWH.

Men Submitting to YHWH

Although often cast in the role of family leaders, men are not exempt from submission; quite the contrary. Men must first and foremost submit themselves to YHWH’s authority, acknowledging that any authority they possess is delegated to them for service and stewardship, not for tyranny. Authority is given through obedience to YHWH’s commandments and laws. The Apostle Paul makes this point clear in 1 Corinthians 11:3, where he states, "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Yahshua ha’Messiah." Here we see the chain of command: YHWH → Messiah → Man → Woman. Far from providing a license for male dominance, this hierarchy necessitates deep humility and stewardship. Men are answerable to a higher authority, accountable before YHWH’s throne for how they treat their wives, raise their children, and conduct their affairs. A man who rejects YHWH’s authority has no authority from which to expect submission from those entrusted to his leadership and under his stewardship.

Moreover, submission to YHWH is not a passive stance. Men must actively seek YHWH in prayer, study His Law diligently, and shape their lives according to Biblical precepts. Consider Psalm 119:9-16: "How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word." Submission to YHWH means placing YHWH’s will above one’s own desires, ambitions, and even personal comforts. When men faithfully submit to the Messiah, they become conduits of divine grace and authority, modelling service rather than demanding it. They learn from Messiah’s example of washing the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17), and from His sacrificial love on the cross (Ephesians 5:25), that real leadership emerges not from a quest for power but from a heart bent toward righteousness, founded in obedience to YHWH’s law.

Women Submitting to Their Husbands

Few Biblical instructions spark as much contemporary controversy as Paul’s exhortation in Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to YHWH." Immediately, cultural alarms sound. Yet, understanding the Biblical framework softens these alarms. Biblical submission of a wife to her husband reflects a woman’s trust in YHWH’s ordained order and her husband’s sanctified leadership and authority. This is not blind obedience or the endorsement of abusive behaviour. Rather, it grows from a rich soil where the husband is commanded to love his wife as Messiah loves the assembly—sacrificially, tenderly, and eternally committed to her sanctification through the cleansing of his wife through keeping YHWH’s Commandments (John 14:15; Ephesians 5:25-33). The wife’s submission is voluntary, rooted in faith and obedience, and anchored in the recognition that her husband is called to be a servant-leader who must answer to YHWH.

The world often confuses this form of submission with an erasure of the wife’s intellect, gifts, or spiritual vibrancy. Scripture provides abundant examples of strong, wise, and capable women—Sarah, Deborah, Abigail, Priscilla—who actively participated in shaping faith communities and influencing their husbands for good (1 Peter 3:5-6; Judges 4-5; 1 Samuel 25; Acts 18:26). Submission does not negate leadership, influence, or counsel. Instead, it channels a woman’s strength into harmonious cooperation with her husband’s leadership. It honours YHWH’s design, mirroring the relationship between Messiah and the assembly (Ephesians 5:24) and allowing the family unit to flourish in peace, unity and discipline.

Children Submitting to Their Parents

Children are likewise instructed to submit to parental authority: "Children, obey your parents in YHWH, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). In this command, we find an important principle: respectful submission within the family is the training ground for future responsible adulthood and reverence for proper authority and discipline. The family is not a democracy of equals in terms of authority; parents are charged with guiding, teaching, disciplining, and nurturing their children. This structure reflects the innate order that YHWH has embedded in creation. By honouring their parents, children learn the virtues of humility, respect, gratitude, and self-control—qualities essential for any flourishing society. When parents lead with love, patience, and wisdom, and children respond with honour and obedience, the home becomes a stable environment conducive to moral formation and spiritual growth (Proverbs 22:6; Colossians 3:20).

The Biblical Rationale for Patriarchy

Why does Scripture uphold a patriarchal model at all? To some, it may appear archaic or culturally bound. However, the Biblical rationale has deep theological and anthropological roots. From the outset of creation, YHWH established an order designed to reflect aspects of His character and the pattern of Messiah’s relationship with the assembly. Adam was created first, entrusted with the command not to eat from the forbidden tree (Genesis 2:16-17), and Eve was created as a complementary helper (Genesis 2:18). While this ordering does not imply woman’s inferiority—both are made in the image of YHWH (Genesis 1:27)—it does set a pattern for leadership and responsibility.

A thoroughly Biblical understanding of patriarchy insists that authority and responsibility go hand in hand. Men, as heads of households, bear the weighty task of providing for, protecting, and leading their families spiritually. (Exodus 21:10) Their leadership must reflect YHWH’s character: patient, just, and merciful (Psalm 103:8-13). If a man uses his authority selfishly or oppressively, he violates YHWH’s purpose and invites divine judgment. Consider Malachi 2:13-16, where YHWH condemns faithless husbands who deal treacherously with the wives of their youth. In other words, Biblical patriarchy demands virtuous leadership, not a raw display of power.

Submission Is Not Inferiority

It is critical to distinguish between submission and inferiority. The concept that certain individuals submit to others in particular spheres does not signify that one is less valuable, intelligent, or beloved by YHWH. Yahshua ha’Messiah, is the son of YHWH (1 John 4:15), the first-begotten (Hebrews 1:6), chose to submit to His Father’s will (John 5:19; John 6:38) and be the perfect sacrifice for us. This perfect submission—Yahshua ha’Messiah submitting to Father YHWH—absolute patriarchy in action so that we can have eternal life. Similarly, the assembly is not inferior but is called to be in perfect submission to Yahshua ha’Messiah (Ephesians 5:24). Submission is about role and order, not about worth.

This principle applies equally in marriage and family life. Husbands should dwell with their wives according to YHWH’s Commandments, honouring their wives as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that their prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7; Galatians 3:28) Both husbands in their responsibility and wives in their support have distinct roles to play. Children are no less human or beloved than their parents; in fact, Scripture often highlights their preciousness and dignity (Matthew 19:14; Psalm 127:3). By honouring these distinctions, we cultivate social stability and nurture holistic growth rather than stifling anyone’s potential.

Practical Implications in Family and Society

As a family lawyer, I have seen firsthand how the lack of clear roles and leadership often leads to chaos in the home. Conflicts escalate when neither spouse knows who bears final responsibility for decisions or when children view their parents merely as peers rather than authorities. While every family dynamic is unique, the Biblical model suggests that when the father leads in love and discipline, the mother supports with respect and grace, and children honour their parents through obedience. These ensure that the household runs more smoothly and society is stable. Disagreements still occur—this is inevitable in a fallen world—but clear lines of authority and respect can reduce confusion and bitterness.

Within the broader society, the Biblical concept of submission prepares individuals to function harmoniously under various forms of rightful authority. Those who learn to respect and honour YHWH’s ordained order in the family are often better equipped to respect civil authorities, religious elders, teachers, employers, and others in positions of responsibility. This does not mean endorsing injustice or corruption. Scripture also teaches that we must obey YHWH rather than men if human authorities command what is evil (Acts 5:29). But when legitimate authority is exercised justly, Biblical submission fosters peace, order, and community well-being.

Misuse and Abuse of Authority

We must acknowledge that sinful humans often distort YHWH’s good design. Throughout history, some men have wielded their authority to oppress women or children, and some cultural expressions of patriarchy have been deeply unjust. When authority is divorced from accountability to YHWH and estranged from Messiah’s humility, it degenerates into tyranny. Scripture never condones such behaviour. In fact, it holds leaders to higher standards. Husbands are warned to treat their wives with understanding and honour, lest their prayers be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). Fathers are instructed not to provoke their children to anger but to raise them in the discipline and instruction of YHWH (Ephesians 6:4). Such instructions guard against the abuse of power and uphold the dignity of all family members.

The remedy for abuse is not to discard the Biblical model but to restore it to its proper orientation. Where abuse or oppression occurs, the elders must intervene, offering counsel, protection, and, where necessary, legal recourse. The Biblical model never traps individuals in abusive relationships. Instead, it summons all parties to repentance and reformation. As a family lawyer, I have found that when couples align their lives with Biblical principles and seek wise counsel, they can overcome past patterns of abuse and build healthy relationships founded on mutual respect and trust.

The Beauty of Biblical Submission

When properly understood and practised, Biblical submission within a patriarchal framework is not a chain but a bouquet of graces, a symphony of excellence. It produces peace as each member of the family knows his or her place under YHWH’s grand orchestration. It fosters love because genuine authority reflects Messiah’s self-giving sacrifice, and respectful submission channels the warmth of reverence and cooperation. It nurtures growth as men strive to be more like Yahshua ha’Messiah, women flourish under loving leadership, and children grow up secure and guided toward wisdom.

This beauty is especially evident when we contemplate the analogy of marriage reflecting Yahshua ha’Messiah and the assembly (Ephesians 5:31-32). Yahshua ha’Messiah is the sacrificial Bridegroom who lays down His life for His own. The assembly, as His Bride(s), responds with love, devotion, and glad submission, eventually worshipping Him as King. In a healthy Biblical home, the husband mirrors the Messiah’s love, the wife responds with graceful submission and support, and the children learn obedience and respect in preparation for adulthood. Each element points beyond itself to the ultimate union between YHWH and His people, making the family a living sermon of the gospel story.

Living It Out

Embracing Biblical patriarchy and submission requires spiritual maturity, prayer, and a willingness to swim against the cultural current. It involves active participation in assemblies that teach sound doctrine, where older women mentor younger wives (Titus 2:3-5) and where fathers connect with other fathers to encourage each other in leading their families well. It demands that men take responsibility for their spiritual lives, setting aside time to read Scripture, pray, and seek guidance from elders when challenges arise.

It also requires a heart check: Are we adopting these roles as a dry duty or as a joyful response to YHWH’s order? The Biblical life always returns to the heart’s posture before YHWH. Submission cannot be forced. It can only be rightly lived out when both leader and follower humbly yield to YHWH’s will. Men who attempt to enforce submission through cruelty misunderstand the gospel. Women who chafe under YHWH’s leadership might consider prayerfully reflecting on the root of their resistance. Children who rebel must be guided toward understanding the loving purpose of parental authority. In all these cases, YHWH’s grace is sufficient. Repentance, keeping of YHWH Commandments, communication, and heartfelt prayer can reshape distorted relationships into relationships that honour YHWH.

Legal and Theological Considerations

From a legal standpoint, most jurisdictions recognise parents as the primary authorities in their children’s upbringing, provided they meet basic standards of care and well-being. Husbands and wives have the freedom to structure their marriage relationships as they see fit, as long as they do not violate laws against abuse or neglect. This legal neutrality gives Biblical families the room to live out Biblical patriarchy without state interference as long as they remain law-abiding citizens. However, it also challenges Biblical couples to understand that their ultimate accountability does not lie with the state but with YHWH. The husband’s role as head of the family does not circumvent the legal requirement to provide safety and care. Likewise, the wife’s submission is not a legal contract but a spiritual vocation and covenant. Their commitment stems from obedience to Scripture, not from secular law.

As a theologian, I emphasise that sound exegesis and hermeneutics must guide our understanding of these teachings. We must be careful not to import cultural stereotypes into the Biblical text or manipulate Scripture to justify selfish ends. Instead, we must let Scripture interpret Scripture, reading Ephesians 5 in light of Philippians 2’s portrayal of Yahshua ha’Messiah’s humility or considering 1 Peter 3 alongside the countless Biblical commands to exercise compassion and understanding. A robust theological approach will recognise that while the framework of patriarchy is Biblical, it gains meaning only when keeping YHWH’s Commandments and imbued with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Conclusion: Embracing the Divine Design

Biblical patriarchy and submission, when properly understood and practised, stand as beautiful testimonies to YHWH’s divine design. They reflect a well-ordered household where love, grace, and respect abound. Men, submitting to YHWH’s authority, become responsible and loving leaders who steward their families wisely. Women, submitting to their husbands, experience a relationship marked by honour, trust, and spiritual flourishing. Children, submitting to their parents, grow into mature adults capable of honouring rightful authority and living peaceably in society.

Such a picture should excite us, not repel us. It should challenge us to reevaluate our assumptions, surrender our pride, and embrace YHWH’s order. By doing so, we do not plunge ourselves into a world of oppression; rather, we enter into a kingdom where the greatest leader is the greatest servant (Mark 10:43-45), where authority is tempered by love and responsibility, and where every act of submission points back to the greatest submission of all: Messiah’s humble obedience to the Father’s will for our salvation.

As we embrace Biblical patriarchy and submission, we serve as living witnesses to YHWH’s wisdom. We show that His commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3), and that His structure for the family unit leads to joy rather than despair. In a culture starved for authentic leadership and stable homes, the family can shine as a beacon, offering a vision of authority and submission that heals rather than harms, that uplifts rather than oppresses, and that proclaims the Kingship of Yahshua ha’Messiah in every corner of our lives.